Insulting Jimmy Nesbitt

Another misguided foray into the world of celebrity. I was feeling a little worse for wear this morning after attending the press screening of new BBC drama Jekyll at the incredibly swanky Mayfair Hotel last night - and the inevitable free wine and canapes that accompanied it.

I'm no tv critic, but I made the mistake of freely offering my production advice over canapes (incidentally, they were mini packages of chips whose fat content probably made this morning far more bearable for many of us than it otherwise would be). I boldly commented to my new journalist friends that the main change I would make to the program would be not to show the 'Hyde' character's vampiric teeth - even going so far as to say 'it's a bit tacky'. Heresy! And they'd given us free wine and everything! Unfortunately, this came back to bite me in the... well let's just say I regretted it.

At the end of the night after probably one too many glasses of said wine my new friends from a certain women's magazine and I went to chat to the cast. As the journalist introduced me to the star James Nesbitt (who Irina and I used to watch in an Irish detective show all the time), the journo's mind went blank (she told me later). 'She doesn't like your teeth,' she blurted to him. He took it hard. 'My teeth?' he said, looking extremely crestfallen. I protested that I had meant Hyde's teeth, not Nesbitt's personally, but he was having no excuses. 'I have to text my wife now,' he said and the conversation was clearly over. I was hoping he was one of the group that a little birdie tells me was drinking at Soho House until 3.30am, so he won't remember - or will at least have drowned his sorrows. But alas the birdie has updated me and told me he left shortly after we did. Oh dear. Well he was a bit wobbly, perhaps he won't remember anyway. I am officially the worst celebrity liasion person ever. Thank God I never got that interview with Stephen Merchant.

The real star of the night was veteran executive producer Beryl Vertue - my new hero. She was what I believe can only be called The Consummate Professional - even chatting and introducing herself to nobodies like me. She worked the room with the assistance of a much-coveted Chanel handbag (judging by much younger women's envious glances...not mine though, those handbags always remind me of bed linen) and you felt you could ask her pretty much anything and get a straight answer.

I was too shy to ask her advice on how to break into the industry (my current job doesn't count). But at least I wasn't stupid enough to share my toothy opinions with her.